Who Will Win?

RYAN: Hey! What are you doing this Sunday?

CAROLINE: Well. I think I might watch the Oscars!

RYAN: I will level with you here, my dear.

CAROLINE: Please do.

RYAN: I’m so excited about the Oscars this year. I feel like I’m getting married! I feel like Sunday is my wedding day!

CAROLINE: (laughs) I’m rather excited, myself. I am excited every year… even though the Oscar telecast is one of the most boring things on television.

RYAN: Well, let’s break it down now. I sinceriously do not give a twig about 60 percent of the show.

CAROLINE: That’s fair to say.

RYAN: And most people don’t.

CAROLINE: I’m sure that’s true. Art Direction? I’ll probably watch it; just ‘cos I’m a geek. But most of the world doesn’t even know what art direction is and… Wait, wasn’t it last year when…

RYAN: All the nominees for the less impressive categories had to stand up on stage together, single file?

CAROLINE: It was horrible! And then the one who wins steps forward.

RYAN: (cackles)

CAROLINE: Painful. The nominees were on stage but the presenters were, like, elsewhere in the theater, way in the back.

RYAN: I forgot that! That was the worst show! And they thought it would help the evening pass more efficiently. Well, I’ll tell you what. Just give us the awards we care about (actors, picture, director) in one hour. I can read about all the other winners the next day. Thanks.

CAROLINE: But Screenplay, Foreign Film are kinda good…

RYAN: Look. Unless Ben Affleck and Matt Damon are getting up to accept the award for screenplay, I don’t give a twig.

CAROLINE: What’s with twig?

RYAN: I’m tryin to keep this PG. I think “twig” carries with it enough rage to make my point, don’t you?

CAROLINE: (snickers) Let’s discuss our thoughts.

RYAN: Who will win Best Picture?

CAROLINE: It’s between “Crash” and “Brokeback Mountain.”

RYAN: Certainly.

CAROLINE: And from what I’ve heard, “Crash” has a good chance.

RYAN: I’m glad. I love what “Brokeback” has accomplished politically. 2005 was the year of “Brokeback Mountain.” But let’s be honest. “Crash” is a better movie.

CAROLINE: I loved “Crash,” and of the nominees, “Crash” is also my pick. I think “Brokeback” is suffering a backlash.

RYAN: “Backlash Mountain.”

CAROLINE: Look in our archives to read what we thought about it. It’s not all that. But it deserves to win something.

RYAN: Best Director… maybe an acting award. Let’s go to the most important award – the most emotional: Best Actress.

CAROLINE: Well, it’s a race between Reese Witherspoon and Felicity Huffman. Hello! You don’t need to be a genius to know that. I would love for Felicity to win, but I think it will be Reese.

RYAN: I fear that’s the way it will go. But I do wish Felicity would win. She’s more experienced, more deserving. Reese has a long way to go.

CAROLINE: Philip Seymour Hoffman is a lock for Best Actor.

RYAN: He most certainly is.

CAROLINE: George Clooney is a lock for Best Supporting Actor.

RYAN: I didn’t see “Syriana.” You did.

CAROLINE: I slept my way through it.

RYAN: I would rather see Jake Gyllenhaal take this one.

CAROLINE: I’d give it to Joaquin.

RYAN: (laughs) No. Supporting Actor!

CAROLINE: Oops. Don’t put that.

RYAN: Too late. Maybe that’s a category that could go to “Brokeback.” Jake took it up the rear so well. William Hurt’s role was too small. Paul Giamatti – it’s just an apology for being skipped over last year. And Matt Dillon was good; but, everyone else in “Crash” was as good, if not, better. I’d give it to Jake.

CAROLINE: As someone who did see “Syriana,” I think George is deserving. This is the year of the Clooney. Director, Actor, Screenplay… He put on the weight and grew a beard for “Syriana.” The Academy loves that.

RYAN: It’s true. Supporting Actress?

CAROLINE: Will probably go to Rachel Weisz.

RYAN: You’re right. It’s between her and Michelle Williams. But maybe because most people haven’t seen “Junebug,” maybe that’ll be the shocker.

CAROLINE: There’s always a big shock: one of the big categories always goes to someone you don’t expect. And I would love it to be Amy Adams.

RYAN: I agree.

CAROLINE: Or Michelle too. She was the little girl from “Dawson’s Creek.” Now she’s looking svelte and fabulous, post-child. She’s so good in “Brokeback.” I’d love to see her win; but, don’t think she will. Rachel Weisz has swept at all the other awards shows.

RYAN: Oh. Director – Ang Lee. The 2006 Ang Lee Award for Directing.

CAROLINE: Without a doubt.

RYAN: I’m so excited for the show. You make the best rice krispie treats in the world. And I love it and then the show’s over and I get sad.

CAROLINE: I know, but every year I’m amazed at how boring the show is. The first half hour is great and you love it. Then it’s boring and then the last fifteen minutes is good again.

RYAN: The red carpet!

CAROLINE: Yes. But c’mon there’s no way it should go longer than two or three hours – max! But let’s see what host Jon Stewart brings to the table.

RYAN: I hope he’ll get his song and dance on. But he’s no Billy Crystal. Anyway. It’s but five days away.

CAROLINE: I can’t wait!

RYAN: Enjoy the show everybody!