WHIP IT
RYAN: After seeing “Whip It,” all I want to say is, “Kill me.”
CAROLINE: It wasn’t that bad, honey. But it also wasn’t very good, and I’m really disappointed. I was so in the mood for a fun, funny, girl power roller derby movie and instead I got a coming-of-age sports movie. I thought it was gonna be a comedy, but I didn’t laugh even once.
RYAN: Me neither. I was utterly bored and unimpressed. It’s Drew Barrymore’s directorial debut, and boy did it feel like one.
CAROLINE: The first half hour was terribly awkward. The pacing was off and it felt totally dead. I think some of it had to do with Ellen Page’s atrocious acting.
RYAN: Totally! I know everyone in Hollywood is on the Ellen Page bandwagon because of “Juno” and her subsequent Academy Award nomination, but after seeing her in “Hard Candy,” I can’t take her seriously in these naive little girl roles.
CAROLINE: The quirkiness of the “Juno” character and the clever lines she had in that movie really worked for her, and I think Drew was trying to recapture some of that quirkiness here, but it just didn’t work. Ellen Page wound up irritating me more than anything else. It all felt very forced. She’s just not a good actress.
RYAN: Agreed. The whole film felt disconnected and the timing was all wrong. And the soundtrack was random; we didn’t even get to hear the song, “Whip It.”
CAROLINE: I actually liked a lot of the music, but then some scenes didn’t have any music at all, and they felt really dull. And the scenes with Ellen Page and her BFF working at the restaurant were trying so hard to be as charming as “Waitress,” and so didn’t even come close.
RYAN: Aside from Ellen Page, the performances were OK. But Kristen Wiig didn’t have any funny lines, which was sad. Every time I see her on screen, I just want to laugh because she’s so hilarious. Drew Barrymore gives herself a small role but she’s kind of annoyingly over-the-top. The standout performance was Juliette Lewis. I want her to do more movies!
CAROLINE: She plays a member of the enemy roller derby team, and she was great. She’s really good at playing a bitch. And she’s looking great these days. She’s always been kind of funky looking, but I dig that about her.
RYAN: Except that she’s got no boobs whatsoever, so she needs to stop wearing those deep V-neck shirts immediately.
CAROLINE: Yes, but the biggest physical tragedy of the movie is Marcia Gay Harden’s Botoxed-into-oblivion forehead. Her eyebrows were S-shaped! She looks like the devil. I felt like I was watching a horror movie whenever she was on screen.
RYAN: It was hard to look at. Marcia Gay, you’ve gotta let up on the injections.
CAROLINE: I’ve seriously never seen anything like it, and that includes Nicole Kidman. I like her a lot as an actress and she’s good in this role, but the top of her head looks like it belongs on a different face. And Daniel Stern, who’s very sweet in the movie, plays her husband and is also not aging well. Hello, chin #3!
RYAN: I was disappointed by the roller derby scenes, especially with Jimmy Fallon playing the announcer. That was total stunt casting.
CAROLINE: Well, duh – he’s married to Drew Barrymore’s producing partner.
RYAN: Fine. But I didn’t think the roller skating looked authentic even though the actresses did it themselves. They looked tentative, it felt too choreographed and it wasn’t rough enough.
CAROLINE: I kind of disagree. I thought the movie improved a little as it went along, and the roller derby scenes were fun; but they were never as exciting as I’d hoped they’d be. And Ellen Page looked so awkward on skates. I think she’s just awkward and seemingly asexual in general.
RYAN: I did like the names the girls used for their roller derby alter egos, and their hair, make-up and costumes were great.
CAROLINE: Yeah, I loved how the costumes were all based on female uniforms – Girl Scouts, flight attendants, Catholic high school girls, etc. Very cute.
— BOTTOM LINE —
RYAN: I hated this movie. The last quarter of it takes a slightly more dramatic turn, and I was a little more interested. It’s not totally unwatchable, but it’s definitely not worth seeing in the theater.
CAROLINE: I certainly didn’t hate it as much as you did, but I was definitely disappointed. It will have its fans though, as evidence by the screaming throngs of girls at our screening. I was so baffled by that; until we realized they were all actual NYC roller derby girls who’d been specially invited to the screening. No wonder they loved it. Gals like them will want to see this movie, but for the rest of us, it’s just not well made enough. I was expecting more.
RYAN: Especially from a director who probably has Steven Spielberg’s number on speed dial.
— RATING —
