TRANSFORMERS: REVENGE OF THE FALLEN

RYAN: “Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen” is the much anticipated “Transformers” sequel starring Shia LeBeouf and Megan Fox.

CAROLINE: Mercifully, I was able to sit this one out while you saw it, and I thank you so much for that. I just can’t fathom this movie. The trailer was laughable.

RYAN: Well it’s a big special effects movie targeting teen boys, and it’s actually a little bit funny. But it’s also dumb funny; for example, there are actually robots who fart. I was like, “Wow, seriously. We’ve sunk this low?”

CAROLINE: Good God.

RYAN: So some of the humor was insulting, but some was great, primarily that from Julie White. She plays Shia’s mom.

CAROLINE: OMG I love her! She’s in Shakespeare in the Park here in NYC right now.

RYAN: She made up for the moments of dumb humor.

CAROLINE: Let’s cut to the chase – no one’s getting more press these days than Megan Fox. How is she?

RYAN: She needs to quit acting. Really. She should resolve herself to a modeling career. She’s no Angelina Jolie. It’s not all her fault though; it’s mostly Michael Bay’s direction. Every shot of her is like a pin-up. It’s in slo-mo, or her hair is blowing or she’s dropping something and bending over to pick it up. The script is so lame that she never gets a chance to shine. And let’s be honest, I don’t think she can act at all.

CAROLINE: I’m not surprised to hear that. Plus the fact that she’s dating Shia in this movie is pretty unbelievable. No girl as hot as her would be his girlfriend. How’s he in this?

RYAN: He’s great. I really think he’s one of the actors of his generation. I wish he’d get his act together though; don’t forget, this was the movie during which he messed up his hand in a drunk driving accident. They worked the injury into the script but in such a lame way. They just had him burn his hand, and then it was magically gauzed up in the next scene even though they’re in the middle of the desert.

CAROLINE: So tell me more about the effects. That’s all anyone cares about anyway.

RYAN: The special effects are pretty phenomenal. But I’d say 70% are great and 30% look cartoonish. One robot is anatomically correct, which was lame; and I’d like to know why robots have to be male or female. I’d also like to know why robots have a race. There’s been some backlash about it. It’s borderline racially offensive. We’ve reached even more comic lows.

CAROLINE: Do you think the target audience of young boys will like this movie?

RYAN: I do. Even though it’s silly, it’s still a big summer movie. I’m sure it’ll do better than “Terminator Salvation” did. John Turturro is also in it, and he’s not bad.

— BOTTOM LINE —

RYAN: I saw it with my pal Eric who actually had Transformers toys growing up so I thought he would bring another level of assessment to this review. He thought the script was terrible and I agree. But the special effects and sound design make it a must-see on the big screen, for those inclined to see it. The sound is so good that I actually jumped a few times from that alone. Additionally, it’s way too long at two hours and forty minutes. They should have cut out fifty minutes.

CAROLINE: [laughs’ I’m so glad I skipped it.

— RATING —