TRANSFORMERS: DARK OF THE MOON

RYAN: Am I the only person who thinks the title of this movie is a ripoff from Broadway’s Spider-Man: Turn off the Dark?

CAROLINE: You may be. But now that you mention it, I kinda see it. So how was it?

RYAN: Pretty horrendous. I saw this one with Jonathan and he put it best – it’s all over the place! From the story, to the script to the action and just everything, there was zero cohesiveness. You would have slept through the whole thing.

CAROLINE: You’re probably right. How was Shia?

RYAN: I like him so I liked his acting scenes. I liked a lot of the casting actually, but they’re all wasted in such a sorry excuse for a blockbuster. It’s the third film in the franchise and it’s boring and unnecessary.

CAROLINE: That sounds harsh but I think I’d probably agree with you. Did you miss Megan Fox?

RYAN: No. There’s a replacement hot girl and she’s fine. But I love seeing Frances McDormand, John Malkovich and Patrick Dempsey on the big screen, in 3D, but just not in this movie.

CAROLINE: What about Josh Duhamel?

RYAN: Yes he’s back but barely there. It’s, like, very easy to not pay attention to this movie. You know what’s going on but the story is so convoluted, it’s actually difficult to follow. The action drags on so long that you get completely desensitized to it.

CAROLINE: I can only imagine.

RYAN: There were a couple cool action and effects sequences but the rest were mostly useless. And it really blurs the genres.

CAROLINE: How so?

RYAN: Some transformers were so cheesy they make it feel like a Muppet movie and then the rest of the film is like a tween action movie so it just keeps hopping back and forth without ever committing one way or the other.

CAROLINE: Sounds disastrous.

RYAN: Simply put, it is. Don’t waste your money… more importantly… you time.

— RATING —