THE UNBORN

CAROLINE: The very first time I saw the trailer for “The Unborn,” I thought, “This looks like the most ridiculous piece of crap ever.” I can’t even believe you went to the screening. How was it?

RYAN: It was the most ridiculous piece of crap ever.

CAROLINE: [laughs’ I feel validated.

RYAN: This just in – your instincts are almost right; though I’ll never admit it.

CAROLINE: Not even Gary Oldman could save it?

RYAN: LBH, let’s be honest, he was the main reason I wanted to see this movie. I love him as Sirius Black in the Harry Potter movies. Here he plays a rabbi and though his Hebrew is good, he’s the most ridonkulous rabbi ever have I seen. The movie is basically “The Exorcist” from a Jewish perspective.

CAROLINE: For real? Aren’t exorcisms a Christian thing?

RYAN: Exactly. It might have worked better if it were Mel Brooks musical spoof of “The Exorcist,” but as it was, it took itself way too seriously. For Heaven’s sake, the scary creature-child’s name was Jumby. It rhymes with Gumby. I was like, “Seriously?”

CAROLINE: This sounds absurd.

RYAN: Let me go on. The audience LOL’ed at parts that were supposed to be frightening; never a good sign for a scary movie.

CAROLINE: How about the cast?

RYAN: Carla Gugino has a thankless role. Odette Yustman stars as Jessica Alba lite. She does a better Jessica Alba than Jessica Alba herself. She was in “Cloverfield,” by the way, and she plays a really stupid girl in this movie. You want to scream at her, she’s so stupid. The standout role was Meagan Good as the best friend. She’s appropriately hilarious and steals all her scenes.

CAROLINE: I don’t think I can bear to hear anymore.

— BOTTOM LINE —

RYAN: This movie is a complete waste of time.

— RATING —