THE STEPFATHER

RYAN: “The Stepfather” did not screen for critics and after attending the courtesy screening, I can see why.

CAROLINE: I figured. We know horror movies don’t often screen for critics, since the studios assume only the “niche audience” horror fans come out to see them.

RYAN: ‘Tis the season for the scary flick and this one is a remake of a late ’80s movie that I never saw.

CAROLINE: Did it really have to be remade?

RYAN: No. Especially not into this movie. It’s terrible.

CAROLINE: Why?

RYAN: It’s not scary. It’s very poorly written. The acting is so bad and it’s obnoxious.

CAROLINE: How is it obnoxious?

RYAN: All of the bikini shots of Penn Badgley’s girlfriend.

CAROLINE: Some people like that. You’re just not that demographic.

RYAN: [laughs’ I know. It was just so blatant, even for this genre.

CAROLINE: So how was Penn from TV’s Gossip Girl?

RYAN: Eh. He’s fine. But the material is so bad I feel sorry for him. He looks good though. And his mom is played by one Sela Ward.

CAROLINE: Oh my God. Where’s she been?

RYAN: Seriously, I thought she had retired but she looks phenomenal – Botox has made her look younger than I remember.

CAROLINE: [laughs’ So were there any redeeming qualities to this film?

RYAN: Wait. The very worst offense is the stepfather, himself. For starters, his real name is Dylan Walsh.

CAROLINE: Well you cant hold that against him. He’s very popular on TV’s Nip/Tuck.

RYAN: He is the worst actor this side of a reality TV star.

CAROLINE: Wow. Ouch.

RYAN: No, really. I’m not just being dramatic. He sucks.

CAROLINE: Okay.

— BOTTOM LINE —

RYAN: It’s not a complete waste of time but it’s not thrilling, scary or even that interesting. I appreciate taking TV stars and giving them the chance to carry a movie but they have to have better material to work with than this. I like horror movies when they’re smart or well-directed but this one just came across as a stupid made for TV movie of the week.

— RATING —