THE NUTCRACKER IN 3D

RYAN: I was really looking forward to seeing The Nutcracker in 3D because the trailer looks so magical and inspired.

CAROLINE: It does look kinda cute, but you know I can barely stand kids’ movies so I skipped it. What did you think of it though?

RYAN: I ‘ated it.

CAROLINE: What?! Why?

RYAN: It’s just sucky all around. Specifically, it’s not really The Nutcracker. She’s Mary instead of Clara. There’s a white queen in lieu of the sugar plum fairy and it just makes no sense. It’s about the fear of children breaking toys or some supremely watered down lunacy.

CAROLINE: Ew. So it’s more inspired by the story of The Nutcracker then?

RYAN: Based on the actual events of The Nutcracker.

Caroline: [laughs’ And by that you mean there’s a nutcracker in it?

RYAN: Exactly. I don’t know what it is but it’s awful. And I really fought with myself to like it all throughout the screening.

CAROLINE: What do you mean?

RYAN: There are components that should be good – Dakota Fanning’s lil sister in the lead, Nathan Lane, 3D… and it’s a musical for heaven’s sake!

CAROLINE: You love movie musicals.

RYAN: More than anything. And I tried to get on board during the musical numbers, but ultimately when the film ended I was relieved and feeling like I kinda hated it overall.

CAROLINE: You’re being pretty harsh – you usually dig family films.

RYAN: I do when they’re good enough for all ages, all audiences. I think this one skews very juvenile in tone and story. That’s OK, of course, for a young audience, but I don’t think that makes a classic.

CAROLINE: In that case, I’m so glad I didn’t go see it with you.

— BOTTOM LINE —

RYAN: You’re better off seeking out a local production of The Nutcracker somewhere over the holidays – or catch some classic Xmas movies on TV. This one blows.

— RATING —