THE MUMMY: TOMB OF THE DRAGON EMPEROR

RYAN: I really enjoyed the first two Mummy movies, so I couldn’t wait to see the third one, “The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor.”

CAROLINE: I, unlike you, hadn’t seen the first two, which didn’t stop me from hating this one.

RYAN: Well, not seeing the first two wouldn’t be a reason to hate the third, because the first two were decent. The second one wasn’t quite as good as the first one, and the decline has continued for this third installment. The number one problem is that Rachel Weisz is not back in the co-starring role of Evelyn. Now it’s Maria Bello with a bad brunette ‘do and an even worse English accent.

CAROLINE: She even rivaled Anne Hathaway’s horrible British accent in “Becoming Jane,” which is disappointing because I usually enjoy Maria Bello. She’s just awful in this though.

RYAN: I normally like her too, but I think this movie made me not like her as a person. That’s how bad she is.

CAROLINE: It’s especially atrocious because there are a lot of actual Brits in the film and they make Maria sound even more ridick. You’d think they could have paid for a better dialect coach!

RYAN: I can’t even give you that because there are so many great and even not so great English actresses, such as Kate Beckinsale, who could have done this role and at least sounded the part.

CAROLINE: This movie is absurd and over the top. I may have gasped in fear and/or excitement once or twice, but for the most part I was sitting there thinking, “I can’t believe I’m watching this crap.”

RYAN: The dialogue was so cheesy I couldn’t believe it. There’s one scene where Brendan Fraser throws a guy out of his car and takes over the wheel and screams, “There’s a mummy on the loose!” I was like, “Come on.”

CAROLINE: My other favorite line came from the Scottish guy: “I hate mummies! They don’t play fair!” It was beyond absurd. I can’t believe someone actually put pen to paper and wrote that line.

RYAN: The movie is also incredibly boring. The first fifteen minutes have a random narration about this epic history that’s supposed to set the stage for the film but it was poorly told and way too long. I think it was supposed to be a compelling and engrossing saga, but it wasn’t.

CAROLINE: There was one redeeming moment in the film that lasted for less than a minute. It was a shot of a shirtless Brendan Fraser, who has clearly been hitting the gym early and often. He is hot with a capital H-O.

RYAN: [laughs’ Definitely. I also liked the yetis; they were kinda cute. But I’m very disappointed overall. Bottom line?

CAROLINE: Given that I had zero expectations and figured this movie would suck, I’m not disappointed because I got exactly what I expected. I think Brendan Fraser is above this kind of movie. Michelle Yeoh is in it too, which was interesting. I haven’t seen her in a while and I liked her. But other than that and the shirtless scene, I can say nothing good about this movie.

RYAN: I liked Michelle Yeoh and while I’m thrilled to say she played a witch, there was absolutely nothing witchy about her. She just wore a robe and knew a spell or two. That was a major disappointment too. Please avoid this movie at all costs. Do yourself a favor and see the original Mummy movie.