THE EYE
RYAN: I don’t know why Jessica Alba’s latest movie, “The Eye,” is called “The Eye,” when she gets two new eyes. It should be called “The Eyes.”
CAROLINE: OMG I literally thought the exact same thing as the movie progressed. Technically, it’s about both of her eyes, not just one. Very misleading.
RYAN: My number one complaint is that I understand she has a new set of eyes that are making her receive visions of the dead, but why is she hearing things too?
CAROLINE: That’s a good question for the dudes who originally made this movie in Hong Kong a few years ago.
RYAN: It’s not a bad story. It’s actually somewhat intriguing. It’s not original of course, ‘cuz it’s a remake, but I liked the secondary plot which revealed itself toward the end.
CAROLINE: It’s certainly not the worst horror movie I’ve ever seen, but it definitely reminded me of why I hate horror movies. Technically this is more of a thriller, but I just don’t have fun at these types of movies. The music exists solely to freak you out. The scenes themselves aren’t even that scary, but then they’ll do a huge music sting and scare the bejesus out of you. The woman behind us screamed three times.
RYAN: See, that’s exactly what I like about thrillers. I like the heart-racing nervousness that they make one feel. But I’m majorly disappointed in how wasted Parker Posey is in this film. She has no good lines and not even any real moment of her own.
CAROLINE: This movie is what Parker Posey calls a paycheck. She somewhat inexplicably plays Jessica Alba’s sister, even though I believe Jessica Alba to be Latina and Parker to be possibly the palest woman on earth.
RYAN: Their hair did match though, in both length and color.
CAROLINE: J. Alb plays a concert violinist, and it would have been nice if she’d tried to pretend to know how to hold a violin. Her fake violin playing was horrendous, and her positioning was all wrong. Apparently she studied for months but you’d never know it. And I can speak with some authority as a former high school orchestra geek.
RYAN: Well, this just in – she’s not a great actress. She didn’t do a great job at playing blind either. I don’t think she’s talented at all. Still, this movie didn’t completely suck. It’s better than some of the other crap we’ve seen lately.
CAROLINE: Jessica Alba is a pretty girl who got lucky in her career, but she actually doesn’t even look that pretty in this film. They don’t give her any cute outfits till the end when she gets to wear cute jeans and a blazer. LBH, any actress could have played this part, and I guess Jessica Alba was the best name they could get.
RYAN: Alessandro Nivola is also in this as J. Alb’s doctor, and he’s super cute. I loved him in “Junebug.”
CAROLINE: I loved him in “Laurel Canyon.”
RYAN: I would have liked to see him make out with Jessica at some point in the movie.
CAROLINE: Really? I was so happy they didn’t. That would have been the most annoying sub-plot ever.
RYAN: Come on, the way she kept nuzzling into him? I was so ready for it.
CAROLINE: It wasn’t meant to be. Bottom line?
RYAN: I like horror movies and this one has some pretty good scares. The story is okay but it’s terribly miscast, so I’m neither here nor there on this movie.
CAROLINE: Alessandra Nivola had the only decently cast role. Parker Posey is completely wasted, and you’re right, Jessica Alba just really can’t act that well. It’s not a horrible movie given what it is and the time of year it’s coming out, so as far as I know, the kids will run out and see it this weekend. They do love the horror flicks, especially the Asian remakes. But can it compare to the ticket sales of Hannah Montana/Miley Ray Cyrus?
RYAN: Definitely not. This movie isn’t as scary as “The Grudge,” so I don’t think it’ll do as well at the box office overall. It’s not bad; it’s just so-so.