The Academy Awards 2010 – Live Review

7:30pm

RYAN: It’s here!

CAROLINE: Our most cherished of evenings! So fancy!

RYAN: Can we just begin by calling out Barbara Walters on her last ABC special.

CAROLINE: Please! By all means. It’s so warranted.

RYAN: She’s like, “Many have asked why this is my last Oscars special and the truth is… because I’m sick of it.” What an entitled bitch!

CAROLINE: [laughs’ She’s so out of touch.

RYAN: Onto the red carpet…

CAROLINE: Jennifer Lopez looks amazing. But what is happening with the unfortunate situation on Charlize Theron? She’s wearing pink cinnamon buns on her boobs.

RYAN: It looks like she’s wearing Madonna’s cone bra punched-in.

CAROLINE: Tragic.

RYAN: Meryl looks good, but not great. And I love Robert Downey Jr. in a blue tie. So bold!

CAROLINE: And I’d like to commend Maggie Gyllenhaal on almost standing up straight for a change.

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8pm

CAROLINE: Ok, pre-show. George Clooney, what have you done to your hair? The bangs! It’s way too long.

RYAN: And Kathy Ireland hosting is high-lar! She doesn’t know how to stand.

CAROLINE: So awkward. But OMG Sandra Bullock – looking so gorge!

RYAN: It’s all working.

CAROLINE: WTF is happening with Morgan Freeman? Is he having a stroke?

RYAN: [laughs’ He’s eating! How on earth!? Wait, he’s chewing gum. Where’s his publicist? Unacceptable.

CAROLINE: Inappropriate. I despise it when people chew gum on the RC.

RYAN: Sarah Jessica Parker! She looks like an Oompa Loompa in Carol Brady’s nightgown. Cinnabuns in her hair, that weird piece on her chest – it’s all a mess.

CAROLINE: Crazy. She’s usually a hit. Bu Kate Winslet has the world’s best stylist. She always looks fab.

RYAN: I just saw the slightest glimpse of Zoe Saldana – looking stunning in such a unique dress. I might have to take a second look!

9:30pm

CAROLINE: OK, the show is well underway and there are no major surprises at this point. Of course, I kinda thought Inglourious Basterds would win screenplay over The Hurt Locker. That was a bit of surprise.

RYAN: True, though we know any win for The Hurt Locker is not a shock. All bets are off for it and Avatar in any category, LBH, let’s be honest.

CAROLINE: I’m very much enjoying Steve and Alec’s banter. The John Hughes tribute was nice… until the actors walked out.

RYAN: Judd Nelson and Anthony Michael Hall look like they’re on the Crypt Keeper diet.

CAROLINE: [laughs’ And what has Molly Ringwald done to her face? It’s crazy. And now this montage about short films is so long. This description of short is longer than short.

RYAN: And I’m sad to report Zoe Saldana’s dress jumped the shark below the waist. Sad.

CAROLINE: I think she almost showed her crotch! This show is gonna be so long. If they play a montage of clips for each actor nominee, come on.

RYAN: And the ten best picture nominees add length of course. But at this point I’m about ready for another dance number. Adam Shankman had been all about how dancing would be all over the broadcast. If it was just the open and the nominated songs, I might feel gypped.

CAROLINE: Let’s not hold our breath.

9:34pm

CAROLINE: Wait, what just happened? Who is this crazy person?

RYAN: We’re experiencing a Kanye moment. Who’s crashing this man’s acceptance speech while accepting for Best Doc Short?

10pm

CAROLINE: Mo’Nique – who said she wasn’t writing an acceptance speech, ladies and gentlemen.

RYAN: I don’t buy that. She was poised, perfect. She kept it short and nailed it. So expected and prepared.

CAROLINE: There was another surprise in the other screenplay category. Precious winning over Up in the Air was interesting. But that guy gave a crap speech.

RYAN: Ben Stiller was a little hammy.

CAROLINE: Big shock. He always overdoes it. But more tolerable than usual, perhaps because he was unrecognizable.

RYAN: What did they say about a tribute to horror movies coming up? What’s that about?

10:24pm

CAROLINE: So that’s the horror tribute?

RYAN: A montage does not a tribute make, does it?

CAROLINE: Sure it does. But Twilight? Really?

RYAN: And Beetlejuice? Those aren’t horror films. And I’m sorry but most horrifying is Kristen Stewart.

CAROLINE: I think she’s cute but I’m so over her lack of preparation at events like this. Did she sneeze just now? Did she cough? Why can’t the girl speak on a stage?

RYAN: She’s clearly so resistant to media training. She does look beautiful though.

CAROLINE: I’m just over her young angst act.

RYAN: Can Morgan Freeman lift his head? What’s happening here?

10:50pm

CAROLINE: Finally – the dancing!

RYAN: Adam Shankman, producer, has been all about this for weeks. I liked it, but it really felt like one big Gap commercial.

CAROLINE: [laughs’ OMG totally. I loved recognizing so many of the dancers from TV’s So You Think You Can Dance in it. I just wish there had been fewer wide shots.

RYAN: And part of it looked a lil’ bit like Janet Jackson’s Rhythm Nation.

CAROLINE: Why is Sam Worthington chewing gum whilst presenting? Where was the stage manager before he went out?

Midnight

RYAN: And there you have it.

CAROLINE: I’m a little let down this year. I have mixed feelings about it all.

RYAN: I loved the emotion during the Best Actor/Actress presentations. It felt like the stakes were raised and indeed they were.

CAROLINE: It was a little preachy though. And self-congratulatory. But it was definitely an engaging moment in the show. I got misty.

RYAN: The hosts were totally underused. Their comedic bits were funny but few and far between. I think either Neil Pat Harris should have just done the whole thing or Steve and Alec could have been better.

CAROLINE: And there was barely anything new and exciting for all the hype of it being a better “show.”

RYAN: Plus, way too many wide shots!

CAROLINE: Completely! And random noises and crashes happening backstage during the show.

RYAN: Still, I’ll take it. It’s the most exciting of nights.

CAROLINE: Sandy B. gave a nice speech as usual, and it’s an historic win for a female director. Though I don’t think The Hurt Locker really deserves all these accolades. Yay Oscars!