TEETH

RYAN: One of my all-time favorite lines from “Ally McBeal” is when Ling says to Ally, “What’s her problem?” and Jane Krakowski’s Elaine says, “Her gynecologist must have pulled the wrong tooth.”

CAROLINE: This isn’t about “Ally McBeal,” it’s about the new movie “Teeth,” and it is indeed about a chick whose vajayjay has teeth.

RYAN: Hence my anecdote.

CAROLINE: It’s kind of a B-movie. I didn’t realize this going in, but I probably should have. I mean, a movie where a girl’s hoo-hoo can bite your ween off? Hello!

RYAN: You saw this movie without me so I have questions. Would you call it a horror film?

CAROLINE: No, it’s more of a thriller, but there’s some gore for sure. You will see several mangled peni.

RYAN: Ew. Do you think the writer was inspired by the above-referenced episode of “Ally McBeal”?

CAROLINE: [laughs’ Hardly. The film is based on the ancient myth of vagina dententa. FYI the girl who plays the lead, Jess Weixler, was on “Guiding Light” for a little while, but this is a big break for her. She’s very good as a rah-rah abstinence chick who learns the hard way about her toothy vagine.

RYAN: Do they ever show said vagina?

CAROLINE: They do not, because I suspect that in real life, Jess Weixler’s waheen does not actually have teeth.

RYAN: Yeah, and it would cost a lot for the special effects. So is the movie entertaining?

CAROLINE: It’s fine. I think the best thing about it is the title and the premise. People will definitely talk about this movie and it’s a decent indie flick, but it’s not great. When you first see what’s going on with the teeth, it’s shocking; but then after a couple times you’re like, “OK I get it.”

RYAN: So does she go after guys she hates and try to kill them with her weapon of choice?

CAROLINE: I’m sure I can’t tell you that without ruining the movie.

RYAN: So are you recommending that I run out and see this?

CAROLINE: Not so much. You can totally wait to rent it, but even that isn’t necessary. But if you’re intrigued by the premise, sure, go for it.

RYAN: All right, then I probably won’t see it. But you have to tell me everything that happens.

CAROLINE: Deal.