SYDNEY WHITE

RYAN: I was so excited to see “Sydney White” because I love fairy tales, and this movie was supposed to be a modern day re-telling of “Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs” starring the very cute Amanda Bynes.

CAROLINE: I couldn’t get even a tiny jones on for this movie, so I sent you to it by yourself. Your verdict?

RYAN: It was the worst piece of crap since Lindsay Lohan’s “I Know Who Killed Me.”

CAROLINE: Wow, that is a strong statement. But not a huge shock to me since as you know, I’m not a big Amanda Bynes fan. What was so offensive about the movie?

RYAN: Every aspect about it is all kinds of wrong. It takes place on a college campus and it literally was offensive. She’s in a sorority and the nerds on campus consist entirely of Jewish people and gay people, both of which I am.

CAROLINE: [laughs’ I can see how that would touch a nerve.

RYAN: It also implies that every gay is a cross-dresser which, as you know, is not true.

CAROLINE: So what about the whole “Snow White” angle?

RYAN: It’s hardly there. The only things are that her name Sydney instead of Snow, and instead of seven dwarfs, there are seven dorks. But there are absolutely no other references to Snow White, other than when she falls asleep in the library and the boy she’s crushing on plants one on her to revive her.

CAROLINE: How does Amanda look in the movie?

RYAN: Sadly, she’s just as orange as she was in “Hairspray.” And for some reason, she has the worst eye makeup ever seen on film.

CAROLINE: Somebody needs to fire that makeup artist immediately. Bottom line?

RYAN: Do yourself a favor and skip it. I’ll pay you $10 not to see it. Stay home and watch the 1937 animated Disney version of “Snow White” instead.