STAR TREK

RYAN: Much to the delight of Trekkies around the world, the new movie version of “Star Trek” is finally in theaters courtesy of “Lost” and “Alias” creator, J.J. Abrams.

CAROLINE: Ummmm…. yeah. I really have nothing to say about it. This movie was not for me. I was bored, and quite frankly, I didn’t enjoy it at all.

RYAN: Wait a minute. Out of all the “Star Wars” movies, how many did you like?

CAROLINE: Well, I saw the first three when I was little so I barely remember them. And then I saw the first of the new ones, and it was so bad that I wanted to walk out of the theater.

RYAN: So let’s be honest – you’re really not a fan of fantasy and other worlds and creatures in movies.

CAROLINE: Correct. I do not enjoy science fiction. I thought I might get into this movie because of my love for J.J. Abrams, but no dice.

RYAN: Well, I’m not a “Star Trek” fan. I’ve never seen any of the TV shows or previous films, but I thought this movie was fast and smart, and I was totally swept up into it. I almost feel like I’d enjoy checking out some old “Star Trek” reruns.

CAROLINE: I just couldn’t get into it. For starters, the opening sequence wasn’t as good as it should have been. The next scene was cool, with an action sequence of Kirk as a young boy. After that, I just kept waiting for the movie to really take off, and it never did. I just don’t get into sci-fi, so I never found myself caring about the characters or what was happening to them.

RYAN: Well, I’m a die-hard sci fi fan, as is my pal Mark who came to the screening with us, and he said the opening sequence was so good it made his nipples hard.

CAROLINE: [laughs’ Well, that’s a ringing endorsement, but I just wasn’t feeling it.

RYAN: The film built with good momentum and became more interesting to me as it unfolded. The best part – other than Winona Ryder’s appearance, which was basically just a cameo – was Leonard Nimoy. His performance is amazing, and his role just encapsulates what this movie is about.

CAROLINE: Did he always have that speech impediment or was it just for this movie? He’s got some big fake choppers now.

RYAN: Oh, those veneers are no good. I think they were the culprit.

CAROLINE: I enjoyed a couple of the action sequences, though I wish there were some more of them. But again, I just couldn’t get into the story. My favorite part was spotting the actors I recognized in their cameos, like Meghan from “Felicity” and Simon Pegg as Scotty.

RYAN: And hello, Tyler Perry! Seriously? That was so inappropriate.

CAROLINE: Just bizarre.

RYAN: There was one major negative to the film that I couldn’t stand, which was the guy with the Russian accent.

CAROLINE: Aaaaacccchhh! That was a catastrophe. That actor was actually born in Russia, but he somehow couldn’t do a Russian accent to save his life. He had such an annoying voice; every time he came on screen, he took me completely out of the movie.

RYAN: He must be sleeping with the film’s producer.

CAROLINE: Ha. And then how about Harold of “Harold and Kumar” making an appearance?

RYAN: That was strange. He played the George Takei character. But getting back to how amazing the movie is – the effects were awesome, the sound design is among the best I’ve ever heard and I loved the little love story.

CAROLINE: I wish there were more of a love story. That would have made the movie a little more appealing to the womenfolk.

— BOTTOM LINE —

CAROLINE: I’m sure the people who care about seeing this movie will love it, but it just wasn’t my bag, baby. I do not find Chris Pine attractive at all; his nose is too small for his face. Zachary Quinto was kind of wooden, but his character is supposed to be that way I guess. It is what it is.

RYAN: “Wolverine” excited me last weekend, but now I’m doing my little summer blockbuster dance. This is a huge, awesome movie. It’s sure to please old “Star Trek” fans and build some new ones. I could even see myself going back to see it again in the theater.

CAROLINE: That would be my worst nightmare realized.

RYAN: I’m not necessarily going to buy the DVD, but this was a fantastic theatrical experience. Sorry you didn’t enjoy it.

CAROLINE: Oh, don’t worry about me. I took a fabulous nap during the movie. That might have been my favorite part.

— RATING —