ROBIN HOOD
RYAN: The blockbuster movie of the weekend is Robin Hood starring Academy Award winners Russell Crowe and Cate Blanchett.
CAROLINE: Wait, I’ve seen this movie before – it’s about a big battle in 12th century England and it’s called Braveheart. I hated it then too.
RYAN: A new Robin Hood movie seems to come out every decade, but this one is more of an origins story of how he and his band of merry men came to be. I haven’t cared about it in the past and I don’t care about it now.
CAROLINE: I hate this genre. The sweeping historical war epic is my worst nightmare. I might hate it even more than animated children’s movies.
RYAN: I can handle movies about the medieval period if it has Merlin and wizardry and stuff, but I hate when it’s full of battle scenes like this one. It kind of made me want to scratch my eyes out; though I did really like the first 45 minutes. I was totally engaged and thinking it was going to be a good movie… but then it wasn’t.
CAROLINE: I was dozing very happily during the first hour, so I don’t really know what you’re talking about.
RYAN: Yeah, I noticed. I thought about waking you but then I was like, “Nah.”
CAROLINE: Honestly I wish I’d slept through the whole thing. There were one or two scenes that made me think, “That was kinda cool,” but the rest was so tiresome. And at almost two and a half hours, it’s just tedious. I truly don’t feel I can give an unbiased review because I just hate this type of movie so much.
RYAN: It did have a few good scenes at the beginning, but the rest of it had really cheesy writing, especially for Russell Crowe. And for the love of God, if Sarah Jessica Parker and Ewan McGregor had the decency to remove their facial moles, can’t Russell Crowe follow suit?
CAROLINE: I can sum this movie up with these words – swords, shields, chainmail, bows, arrows, horses.
RYAN: [laughs’ The climax to this movie, which is a war scene, which I hate because I hate war movies, is almost identical to the opening scene of Saving Private Ryan but without guns.
CAROLINE: I thought the same thing! I also kept waiting for Russell Crowe to scream, “Freeeeedoooomm!!” We’ve seen this movie so many times before in so many incarnations. Sure it’s well shot and the scenery is beautiful and all that, but I was totally uninterested.
RYAN: I followed this movie pretty easily, but then out of the blue, Peter Pan’s Lost Boys showed up, and I was like, “Why are they here?”
CAROLINE: I think they were a roving band of orphans or something. The one good thing about this movie is the cast. In addition to Russell and Cate, you’ve got William Hurt, Max von Sydow and Mark Strong, who’s such a busy little bee these days.
RYAN: I love me some Mark Strong. He almost redeemed this movie for me. I also liked the guy who played the hot king.
CAROLINE: I just have no patience for movies like this. It’s beyond a boy movie. And honestly, I don’t know anyone who wants to see it. Is anyone talking about it? There’s zero buzz. It’ll be interesting to see how it fares against Iron Man 2 this weekend!
RYAN: It also felt really long. I first checked my watch at about an hour and 15 minutes in and it felt like the movie should be ending. Sadly, there was more than an hour left.
— BOTTOM LINE —
CAROLINE: It’s not really fair for me to say I hated this movie because I hate all movies of this ilk. I don’t understand why this is coming out at this time of year. It doesn’t feel right, and no one seems to care. I look forward to it tanking at the box office this weekend.
RYAN: I can’t give it a truly bad review because of its amazing cast and how well made it is. And I did like some moments. But they were few and far between. LBH, I hated it almost as much as you.
— RATING —
