PIRANHA 3D

CAROLINE: I can’t believe you actually paid the crazy high 3D ticket price to see this movie.

RYAN: And I live to regret it.

CAROLINE: Of course you do. What happened?

RYAN: I was out with a friend and we just spontaneously decided to go. I hoped it would be fun, but I walked out wishing I could erase it from my memory.

CAROLINE: It’s that bad?

RYAN: It’s that disgusting. It’s one of the grossest, goriest, nastiest movies I’ve ever seen. These fish were evil, but we saw way more blood and chewing off of humanity than anyone needs to.

CAROLINE: Ew. It sounds terrible.

RYAN: It’s worse. And all the gratuitous nudity in 3D… it was just so weird. A fish actually eats and spits out Jerry O’Connell’s peen. Richard Dreyfuss was in it at the very beginning which was fun, of course, stunt casting since he did Jaws.But I cannot understand why on earth Oscar nominee Elisabeth Shue did this movie.

CAROLINE: It’s called a paycheck. Let’s be honest, she hasn’t been getting that much work lately.

RYAN: She was beyond annoying. She kept screaming, “Get out of the water!” But for some reason she pronounces it wudder and it just irked me to no end. “Get out of the wudder!”

CAROLINE: [laughs’ That’s so random. Anyone else noteworthy in it?

RYAN: Christopher Lloyd overacts like hell. I wanted to shout at him, “This isn’t Roger Rabbit, dearie!”

CAROLINE: I loved him in Back to the Future though.

RYAN: The dude who plays Carlos Solis on TV’s Desperate Housewives is in it and Jessica Szohr from Gossip Girl and the lead guy is from The Vampire Diaries.

CAROLINE: It’s a veritable who’s who of prime time TV.

RYAN: Overall, the story was OK, but the script was painful.

CAROLINE: I still can’t believe you paid money for it. I’m impressed. And not at all sad that I missed it.

— BOTTOM LINE —

RYAN: The 3D is whatever and there are plenty of jumps, but I just don’t want to remember the grossery we saw – it’s just too much.

— RATING —