MATCH POINT

RYAN: Well, after getting attacked tonight, on the subway…

CAROLINE: (laughs) You’re being slightly hyperbolic…

RYAN: I was really in the mood to just enjoy a good film and unfortunately…

CAROLINE: Unfortunately, you chose to see “Match Point.” (laughs)

RYAN: (laughs) Exactly! Sad! I couldn’t catch a break tonight. Although we did score at dinner this evening.

CAROLINE: That, we certainly did.

RYAN: That was yummy. Alright…

CAROLINE: Here’s what I have to say: Why on earth is this being touted as Woody Allen’s comeback film?

RYAN: O-M-G! Yes. Why God, why?

CAROLINE: I was expecting, like, a brizilliant film; been waiting for weeks and months for this…

RYAN: First of all, the preview for this is so well edited, it looks like this year’s “Closer,” intense relationship, angst-filled drama.

CAROLINE: Yes! “Closer!” A fabulous movie. Adulterous. Hot.

RYAN: Right. And “Match Point” was anything but that. For starters, I don’t care what they’re saying about “breakout Woody Allen.” This is classic Woody Allen – the same opening credits, same use of music, same as in every other film he’s ever made.

CAROLINE: But this was shot in London, Yael, it’s verrry different.

RYAN: Woody Allen. For a first time director, I was really impressed.

CAROLINE: (laughs)

RYAN: If he was a first time writer/director, I’d be very impressed. Prolific, he should know how to put a better story together.

CAROLINE: Right. I mean, I’m just saying this movie could not even remotely decide what it wanted to be. A romance? A thriller?

RYAN: Yes. What were the five genres in this movie?

CAROLINE: I’m saying: Romance, Drama, Thriller, “Law & Order,” and then, like, Supernatural.

RYAN: (laughs) It began being like the movie “Closer,” then it became “Fatal Attraction,” then it turned into “Law & Order: Criminal Intent,” then “The Sixth Sense,” and then ended up as “The Wizard of Oz.” It could not make up its mind.

CAROLINE: I thought it was gonna end, like, six times. I was like, “Ok, that’s the end… Oh no, wait! There’s more! Oh okay.”

RYAN: It lost all credibility.

CAROLINE: Totally. I think the beginning chunk was okay, i could understand the Golden Globe, Oscar buzz. But then I wanted it to get really good and it never did.

RYAN: Emily Mortimer, PBS… And by PBS, I mean BTW… Emily Mortimer is a brunette Cameron Diaz.

CAROLINE: (laughs)

RYAN: Cameron with dark hair.

CAROLINE: Really? She’s not, like, slapstick funny like Cammy.

RYAN: No. But certain shots in this movie…

CAROLINE: OMG, it’s “Being John Malkovich.”

RYAN: (laughs) Exactly.

CAROLINE: I don’t even know what to say to our viewers…

RYAN: And by viewers, you mean readers.

CAROLINE: Exactly.

RYAN: Wait. “Sarah” Johansson. She’s gorgeous, but LBH, Let’s Be Honest, any one of us can scream like that and be like, “I HATE YOU AND YOU SHOULD BE DOING THIS! AND YOU’RE NOT DOING THIS!”

CAROLINE: That and something else… Jonathan Rhys-Meyers is like 5’6” if he’s a day. He’s, like, as tall as Scarlett Johansson in heels and she’s like 5’4”. He is sexy though.

RYAN: He has nice eyes.

CAROLINE: I thought he was good.

RYAN: Yeah and I liked the actor who played the brother-in-law.

CAROLINE: He was cute.

RYAN: Was real cute.

CAROLINE: One thing I liked about this movie, was that I didn’t know anything about it going into it.

RYAN: But we were completely misled!! No one knows anything about it unless they read this or another review. The preview totally misleads you.

CAROLINE: Yes!

RYAN: I left feeling led on and then let down.

CAROLINE: Very let down. This entire holiday movie season is such a letdown.

RYAN: Totally,

CAROLINE: Okay. Final thoughts?

RYAN: Disappointed. Was I entertained? Yes. Was it too long? Yes. Was it not-a-good-film? Yes. Should you choose another movie over this one? Yes.

CAROLINE: (laughs) Big time. Tres disappointing. Certainly not Woody Allen’s big comeback. I don’t know who coined that term, but they were dead wrong.

RYAN: I must ask you, Yael. If you had to choose between a night of hot sex or seeing this film, which would you choose?

CAROLINE: Ummm. I think the former, thank you.