I’M STILL HERE

RYAN: I kinda couldn’t wait to see this in order to discern just what the eff was going on with Joaquin Phoenix.

CAROLINE: His “meltdown” is legendary: retiring from acting at the peak of his career and then announcing his intentions to become a hip hop artist. Does this documentary explain the insanity?

RYAN: Documentary or mockumentary?

CAROLINE: Oh really?

RYAN: I haven’t confirmed it but I’m rather convinced it’s all a hoax just for this movie. Like Borat or Bruno, Joaquin has created a character for this film who happens to have the same name as himself. I don’t know who he’s hoodwinking.

CAROLINE: All media apparently.

RYAN: Well after seeing this I just don’t buy it anymore.

CAROLINE: Please explain.

RYAN: Ok, I’m going to do something we never ever do in our reviews. I’m going to give things away so…

RYAN: We see Joaquin snorting and smoking drugs, hiring and boffing prostitutes, shirtless in all of his out-of-shape grossness, puking his guts out and acting absurdly.

CAROLINE: He’s still a good actor, though, right?

RYAN: Well that’s the thing – I do think he’s acting here. I think he’s playing this broke-down version of himself and it’s a matter of time until he just shaves, gets back in shape and starts making real movies again.

CAROLINE: It’s directed by his brother-in-law, Casey Affleck.

RYAN: And written by – plus the movie ends with Joaquin going to visit his father, who in the credits you see is actually played by Casey and Ben Affleck’s father, Tim.

CAROLINE: Well that’s a giveaway right there.

RYAN: And all the rest of it, the Letterman appearance, etc… it’s all shenanigans the likes of Borat with Pamela Anderson. Interesting marketing but eh…

CAROLINE: It sounds mildly dramatic.

RYAN: Diddy is in it too and sort of gives it away cause he’s not that good of an actor. And Antony Langdon, who played his British friend, is hot.

— BOTTOM LINE —

RYAN: It’s incredibly self-indulgent and slow moving. I don’t see the point aside from the fact Joaquin and Casey just wanted to hang out and screw around for “fun” together. Aside from the few shocking, dramatic moments, it’s really slow and boring and too long.

— RATING —