G.I. Joe: Retaliation Review
RYAN: G.I. Joe: Retaliation is the sequel starring Dwayne Johnson, Channing Tatum and Bruce Willis. I did not see the first one and I didn’t care to see this one, but you know… it’s my job.
CHUCK: (laughs) It is your job. You kinda need to see the movies even when you don’t want to.
RYAN: This movie’s not for me. I’m not the target audience. It’s not for girls.
CHUCK: (chortles) Exactly.
RYAN: I like being surprised by movies that are out of my genre so I always go in open minded, but this one did not surprise me.
CHUCK: We’re not really the main demographic aim for this movie. We’re over 30. If you’re a 13-year-old boy this would probably be one of the coolest movies ever.
RYAN: The performances were just okay. I really like Dwayne Johnson but I’m beginning to like him more as a person than as an actor. I actually prefer him in family movies over in his element in these hardcore tough-guy roles. He’s not that good. He’s self-aware. Lines are delivered with a glint in his eye; a wink and a nod.
CHUCK: It’s all tongue in cheek with him. To me, he’s the exact same person in every movie he does. He’s good at being that one person. He just lacks versatility.
RYAN: Bruce Willis isn’t in it much and it’s the same thing with him. He has his one-liners, ala Arnold Schwarzenegger.
CHUCK: That’s expects now in movies like this. They’re also going for that “Make my day” kind of reference. It’s a campy script quality. The more annoying thing, though, was that the story tried to infer a mythology to this. And c’mon. It’s G.I. Joe. I didn’t expect more than that. I’m nostalgic for the cartoons I remember as a kid and you really just want that straight forward story. It doesn’t need to be any deeper.
RYAN: And yet it’s still very thin on story. For all that it intended to build, it’s really all over the place, confusing and even the audio mix was horrendous. In some action sequences, there’s dialogue happening but you can’t understand a single word.
CHUCK: That was very annoying.
RYAN: It goes for catastrophe. There’s great action at times, but never edge of your seat.
CHUCK: Agreed and they didn’t use 3D the best way. There was that one great scene on the mountain.
RYAN: Yes that is the best scene in the whole film. It’s an action sequence that’s, like, 10 minutes on the side of a mountain – very cool and original – and almost worth the price of admission just for that. But it’s not enough to save the film.
CHUCK: You don’t really recommend seeing a movie just for one scene. But again, I went in looking forward to seeing these characters, due to nostalgia.
RYAN: Yeah I don’t have nostalgia for the war version of the Ken doll. Barbie is at war, y’all. By the way, Channing Tatum is only in the movie for, like, 10 minutes.
CHUCK: I sneezed and missed him.
RYAN: This is not one to see if you’re a Channing fan. He’s barely there. It’s not a Channing Tatum movie.
CHUCK: And it’s not a Bruce Willis movie. Two of the three headliners are in it for a hot minute.
RYAN: If I were watching this at home, I wouldn’t have finished it. The story isn’t great. It’s thinly based and not that cool.
CHUCK: I was surprised that the characters had no depth to them.
RYAN: It’s kind of a mess of a movie when recently there have been some good movies with story, and visuals and everything. This is not a good movie.
CHUCK: If you’re a 13-year-old boy you might enjoy this but there are better options out there now.
RYAN: Like Olympus Has Fallen from last week. Just go see that instead. Or, of course, Oz.
