FRIDAY THE 13TH

RYAN: The new remake of “Friday the 13th” is very appropriately coming out on Friday the 13th.

CAROLINE: Well, really they couldn’t do it any other way, could they? But seriously… must they remake every horror movie from the ’70s and ’80s?

RYAN: I get it in the sense that they want to update it for today’s generation. They can bring modern technology into it with cell phones and stuff – none of which can get a signal in the woods because it’s a horror movie. And of course the stars all look like Abercrombie & Fitch models.

CAROLINE: I couldn’t be bothered to see this movie, so tell me about it. Anyone famous in it?

RYAN: No one super famous; just a kid from TV’s “Gilmore Girls” and an Asian actor I recognized from other movies we’ve seen. They’re all very easy to look at. Almost too easy, actually. We all may have one friend who’s that hot, but very few people who are that hot are all friends with each other and going out into the woods.

CAROLINE: [laughs’ Was it bloody and scary?

RYAN: Very bloody. It’s from Michael Bay and the same team who did the “Texas Chainsaw Massacre” remake a few years ago. They totally go for the gore and it’s just disgusting. And I did jump in my seat a lot; probably more than in any movie I’ve seen recently. But half of the so-called scary moments are just to psych you out, and it turns out to just be a dog barking or whatever. The editing and the music do make it scary though.

CAROLINE: I don’t even know if I’ve ever seen the original 1980 version. It’s one of those movies that I was too young to see when it came out and I was always too scared to watch it. I’d probably still be scared now. Horror flicks aren’t my fave, and I hate gratuitous violence.

RYAN: That’s exactly what this movie is. It’s so lame and predictable and cliché. If you’re gonna make a good horror movie, you need to throw in something psychological. This one’s just pure terror and it’s stupid. It’s got every horror movie convention you can imagine – the kids all know there’s danger but they still wander off alone and of course you know they’re gonna get killed. There’s the token girl in her underwear, the jerky guy who you know is gonna get it. We’ve seen it all before.

CAROLINE: I have little patience for movies like this, but it’ll have its audience. High school kids will go out in gaggles to see it and enjoy it on the actual Friday the 13th.

— BOTTOM LINE —

RYAN: It’s over the top, ridiculous and predictable. This isn’t a movie that needed to be remade, but here it is for this generation.

CAROLINE: I’m so glad I didn’t have to sit through it.

— RATING —