BLACK SNAKE MOAN

CAROLINE: Ryan, do you know why I love you?

RYAN: Let’s hear reason number 70,000.

CAROLINE: Because you do things like go and see “Black Snake Moan” without me.

RYAN: I’m here as a friend to inform you that it would not have hurt you to see this film. Actually, it’s a really fun, interesting movie. Great performances, not a bad script and Christina Ricci looks freaking killer in it. Her body is…

CAROLINE: A sick joke?

RYAN: Truth! And her character is a hot mess. She gives probably the best performance of her career.

CAROLINE: Better than Wednesday?

RYAN: [laughs’ Yes. She is now all woman. And she gives good nudity, which is fun.

CAROLINE: Boobs?

RYAN: Totally. She has perky breasts and perfect nipples.

CAROLINE: She probably had a special stylist tweaking them and adding nipple color to them.

RYAN: Her make-up was great. They gave her freckles and stuff. And Samuel L. Jackson was very good; but his character plays guitar in the film and he sings a lot. He sounds great but there were a lot of close-ups of his rancid thumb. And every time it happened I had to turn away from the screen.

CAROLINE: Ewwww, what’s wrong with it?

RYAN: He has a nub of an encrusted nail on the thumb of his right hand.

CAROLINE: Gag me.

RYAN: It was disgusting. I was like, why all the close-ups? Enough already.

CAROLINE: This move looks so campy to me. Is it?

RYAN: No. It’s deep and it has some very heavy themes. It covers some really provocative issues.

CAROLINE: Isn’t Justin Timberlake in it?

RYAN: He is and he has a hot love scene. He actually has to cry in several scenes. I can’t complain about him. I always want to say he’s the worst actor ever but I just can’t.

CAROLINE: Is he showing a little more range than he did in “Alpha Dog?”

RYAN: Yes. It’s a really fresh new role for him.

CAROLINE: Bottom line?

RYAN: It’s a deep, heavy script with great performances. I don’t regret seeing and I really believe you would have enjoyed it.

CAROLINE: But be honest; is it a great film?

RYAN: Um.

CAROLINE: Let’s be real, Ryan.

RYAN: I plead the fifth.