APPALOOSA
RYAN: So how was the new rock tour “Appaloosa”?
CAROLINE: [laughs’ Not to be confused with Lollapalooza, “Appaloosa” is the new Western from director/actor Ed “I Have No” Harris.
RYAN: I love it. And I love even more that you saw this movie without me because I had zero interest. Was it as good as “3:10 To Yuma”?
CAROLINE: I didn’t like that movie, so I’ll say it was better. But it’s very different, so it’s not really relevant. In my opinion, a Western is a Western is a Western, and they’re not for everyone. I’m not a huge fan of the genre, nor do I know much about it; but I was willing to check this movie out because Ed Harris only directs a movie once in a while. He did “Pollock,” which I liked.
RYAN: I didn’t see “Appaloosa” with you, but I know he won an Oscar for his supporting actress Marcia Gay Harden for “Pollock.” Any ladies in this Western, a genre notorious for having no women?
CAROLINE: Yes, unfortunately. One of our least favorite actresses, Renée Zellweger, is the leading lady and she’s just as pinched as ever.
RYAN: Is her performance as painful as the rest of her performances have been of late?
CAROLINE: She’s actually fine, but I still don’t get her whole “I just sucked a lemon” face all the time.
RYAN: Honey, that’s just how she looks. That’s her face.
CAROLINE: Well then her agent needs to have a sit-down with her and explain why it’s not pretty. She plays a bit of a whore in this movie, which is fun. My overall thought on the film is that it’s slow.
RYAN: So was “Pollock.” I hate that.
CAROLINE: Not a lot happens in the movie. It’s about the same topics that all Westerns are about: lawlessness, a new sheriff in town, a shoot out, Westward expansion in the 1800s. The chemistry between Ed Harris, the marshal, and Viggo Mortensen, who plays his deputy is really great.
RYAN: Do they have a stand off?
CAROLINE: No, they love each other like brothers. But there are some brief fight scenes in the movie, none hugely satisfying. Most of the themes of the movie are very simple. Someone’s breaking the law and Ed Harris and Viggo come to town to fix it.
RYAN: It sounds boring.
CAROLINE: Yeah, but once I was able to accept that it was a slow-moving film, I started to enjoy it. I liked it more than I expected to, though it’s definitely not for everyone. The set design is good. The town looks just like what I imagine an old Western town to look like. But it’s a Western, so if that’s not for you, don’t even bother.
RYAN: Yawn. Who else is in it?
CAROLINE: Timothy Spall, who you love from the Harry Potter movies. And Jeremy Irons plays the lead bad guy. I have to say, neither of them could shake their English accent remotely enough to pull off sounding Southern. It was actually kind of shocking. Their Britishness was shining on through. For actors of their stature, I was like, “Come on.”
RYAN: That is so embarrassing and wrong. Bottom line?
CAROLINE: This is the kind of movie that will have its audience. Ed Harris and Viggo are both very good. Renée is Renée; there’s nothing we can do about her. If you’re a Western fan, see it. Otherwise, don’t bother.