BATTLESHIP

RYAN: This marks the first board game film adaptation I know of since 1985’s Clue.

CAROLINE: God I love that movie.  How does this compare?

RYAN: It doesn’t and not only by genre.  But I do wonder if this does well whether we’ll see it trend in Hollywood.  There are so many games that could make movies – Candy Land, Monopoly, Chess.

CAROLINE: I can’t say I’d be on board for any of them, pun intended.

RYAN: Well a movie of the musical version of Chess would be welcomed for sure.

CAROLINE: I’d take that.  So how bad was Battleship?

RYAN: It’s not bad.  But it’s not great.  The script is rather tedious and laughable at times the whole thing feels kinda B-movie.

CAROLINE: It stars Taylor Kitsch, the guy who played John Carter in the recent Disney bomb.

RYAN: Right and I don’t mind him though he does sort of get his Christian-Bale-as-Batman-voice on once in a while.  He’s pretty decent though, as is his on-screen brother Alexander Skarsgard.

CAROLINE: And how’s Brooklyn Decker?

RYAN: She’s good.  The dialogue is cheesy at times and she does the best she can.  She’s also ungodly gorgeous.

CAROLINE: Yes she is degorgeous.

RYAN: Liam Neeson is in this too but super underused.  He’s not in any action or exciting scenes which is a major bummer.  And Peter MacNichol from TV’s Ally McBeal also has a little role.

CAROLINE: You must have been thrilled!

RYAN: Of course.  And then there’s Rihanna.

CAROLINE: Dish!

RYAN: She’s fine.  She’s a better actress than Madonna but that’s not saying much.  She, also, isn’t given much to do.  She just plays a tough soldier with a big gun.

CAROLINE: [laughs’ It’s such a random role for her.

RYAN: Stunt casting for sure.  Her role could have easily been played by a dude.

CAROLINE: How were the effects?  Was this in 3D?

RYAN: Not in 3D and the effects are pretty swell.  I brought my dad to the press screening.  He lives for war movies and made a comment afterward about the war movies he remembers as a kid and how these special effects are simply mind-boggling in comparison.

CAROLINE: Well yeah. Technology has come such a long way.

RYAN: There is one double-edged sword about this movie though.  They cast some real-life soldiers in key roles and gave them way too much screen time.  You can tell they’re not real actors because they’re awkward on screen.  That brought the quality down quite a bit, though I appreciate the sentimental value.

CAROLINE: How’s the length?

RYAN: Way too long.  Two hours and ten minutes and easily heavy by thirty minutes.

CAROLINE: Ouch.  So what’s your bottom line?

RYAN: Here’s the thing, it’s a big enough movie and the effects are good to the point where if you’re at all inclined to see it, it’s worth it on the big screen.  It’s not an incredibly winning film but it does pack enough blockbuster heat for your buck.