NEW YEAR’S EVE

RYAN: Well, let it be noted, director Garry Marshall dropped the ball on New Year’s Eve. Pun intended.

CAROLINE: [laugh’ Oh Cackle! You did not just go there.

RYAN: Well it certainly is a fitting pun. This movie is so cheesy! And we liked the first one – Valentine’s Day.

CAROLINE: I can’t say that I’m surprised though. It looks like it’s too broad, too many characters, etc…

RYAN: Yeah and I was trying to find even just one of the interwoven stories that I liked but honestly, I didn’t particularly like any of them.

CAROLINE: What a disappointment. We could use a nice rom com this time of year, or at any time really.

RYAN: I did chortle a couple times at some lines but the rest of it is just so cliche New Year’s Eve. I almost needed a barf bag at one point.

CAROLINE: [laughs’ I can only imagine. So go through the cast with me.

RYAN: Ok – Zac Efron and Michelle Pfeiffer. Love her normally but this role is embarrassing for her and that’s the way it’s written but then to be paired with the cinematic equivalent of Justin Bieber. Please.

CAROLINE: [laughs’ Yeah, the cougar is on the way out. Hello, Demi anyone?

RYAN: Katherine Heigl and Jon Bon Jovi, ok fine. Lame but fine… until you add the waaaay over the top Sofia Vergara into the mix and their scenes are more wastes of screen time.

CAROLINE: Ew. Does it get even worse?

RYAN: Sadly, yes. There’s SJP as mom to Abigail Breslin and I, of course, love Sarah as an actress but it’s really kinda just Carrie Bradshaw as a neurotic mom with no room to grow.

CAROLINE: I love her too but honestly would rather just watch more Sex and the City. What about Oscar winner Hilary Swank in all this?

RYAN: She’s not bad but it’s still a little rough for her. She’s much more adept at drama; but dear God, would someone please tell her to lay off the b’tox!? The absolute worst though, is Ashton Kutcher with Glee’s Lea Michele. I lit’rally wanted to pook during their scenes. She does sing which is always nice but it’s, again, so o’er the top.

CAROLINE: She should really stick to showtunes.

RYAN: Halle Berry and Robert DeNiro are the best but they have such little in the movie it’s not enough to even begin caring or start investing so the whole movie is just awash. There’s a super random moment at the end where TV’s Alyssa Milano pops up and has nothing to do. And there’s even an appropriate but awkward Ryan Seacrest cameo.

CAROLINE: Ok, say no more. I can barely take listening to you talk about it.

RYAN: I’m always saddened whenever a romantic comedy turns out to be lame. It’s such an otherwise loveable genre. But this is the worst of the worst, really. Don’t waste your time or money.

— RATING —