SANCTUM

CAROLINE: Let’s devote as little time as possible to this review because it’s seriously not worth it. Sanctum is a movie about caves and diving. The end.

RYAN: But it’s executive produced by James Cameron! And didn’t they use Avatar technology to film it in 3D?

CAROLINE: Yes, but honestly I could barely tell the movie was in 3D. Sometimes I had to take my glasses off just to check, and sure enough the movie looked the same with or without them in most scenes. Totally disappointing.

RYAN: That makes no sense.

CAROLINE: What makes no sense is how this movie even got made. I guess when you have James Cameron behind you, anything is possible.

RYAN: Was it truly that awful?

CAROLINE: It started out OK. Not great, but the scenery in the beginning was cool, and I was excited to see where it would go. But once they’re in the cave and a huge storm hits, it turns into this melodramatic nightmare of a horror movie. It’s seriously bloody and gross, and I was not prepared for that.

RYAN: Is there a murderer? Monsters?

CAROLINE: No, nothing like that. But a few scenes have the level of gore that a horror movie would have. It’s about survival, and what you have to do to get yourself out of this enormous, uncharted cave during a cyclone. People die off in gruesome ways and I was so not into it.

RYAN: That’s so not what I expected from seeing this trailer. I thought it was about the beauty of nature or something.

CAROLINE: Me too! I knew it wasn’t going to great, but I had no idea how bad it would actually be. It’s so poorly written, and some of the acting is atrocious.

RYAN: Did you recognize any of the cast? It certainly doesn’t have any stars.

CAROLINE: A couple of them looked familiar. One is in the Fantastic Four franchise. And one guy was the Duke in Moulin Rouge!

RYAN: No way! How’s he looking?

CAROLINE: Old, but still attractive.

— BOTTOM LINE —

CAROLINE: I can’t recommend this movie even a little bit. Maybe for teenage boys, but the rest of us would be disgusted. The audience was laughing at the painful dialogue, and it’s totally overwrought. The 3D is nothing special, the story is absurd and I was so bored that I never thought it would end. This is a true January release in every sense of the word; and by that I mean don’t see it.

— RATING —