SAW 3D

CAROLINE: The seventh and supposedly final installment of the annual Halloween gorefest that is the Saw franchise did not screen for critics – though you did attend the courtesy screening today from Lionsgate. Go!

RYAN: Ok. I’ve seen them all and though they’re not my kind of scary movie, I often appreciated the story sprinkled throughout the blood and guts. But this one was a little rusty on the story side and even rustier on the acting.

CAROLINE: I can’t say I’m surprised. It must be rough wrapping up a seven movie story.

RYAN: Exactly. JK Rowling knew Harry Potter would be seven books and had an arc and I feel like Saw just kinda trudged along to the end. But this is easily the worst of the Saw films.

CAROLINE: That’s too bad. Why was the acting so wrecked?

RYAN: Seriously, some of the actors were atrocious – like cardboard, college-film, trite delivery.

CAROLINE: Ick. What about the girl who won a role in this movie from MTV’s Scream Queens show?

RYAN: That show was so much better than this movie! And I feel totally ripped off. She was literally seen. She screamed. And then she was killed.

CAROLINE: Not even a line?

RYAN: Nary a line. I think she yelled something inaudible right before kickin’ it but I wanted more from her. There was one good scene in the movie.

CAROLINE: What’s that?

RYAN: The opening scene was kinda brill. That’s where I wish the Scream Queen would have been – it’s a short scene that puts the whole revenge-premise of Saw on display in a store window. Onlookers know it’s real but watch rather than trying to help which is a sad commentary about our voyeuristic society, no?

CAROLINE: Totally.

RYAN: Oh and this movie is the first to be shot with the SI-3D camera.

CAROLINE: And how was the 3D?

RYAN: The depth was pretty good but only a few times did you really notice, like, guts coming at you.

CAROLINE: So not into that.

RYAN: I do have one tidbit you’ll enjoy though.

CAROLINE: Oh really?

RYAN: The bad guy in this is played by the actor who was the monk/minister Samantha had the hots for on TV’s Sex and the City.

CAROLINE: Oh I love that episode!

RYAN: His name is Costas Mandylor.

CAROLINE: He is hot… or was hot, anyway.

— BOTTOM LINE —

RYAN: It’s the worst of the Saw bunch.

— RATING —