VAMPIRES SUCK

RYAN: I was originally into the idea of this movie as a timely spoof flick but I must have been under the wrong impression.

CAROLINE: Why’s that?

RYAN: I thought it would spoof a lot more vampire lore than just Twilight.

CAROLINE: It’s a spoof of only one movie?

RYAN: Well, the first two Twilight films and there’s, like, a mention of Buffy but nothing else. No Interview with the Vampire, no Dracula, etc…

CAROLINE: But the kids don’t care about that.

RYAN: I just thought it could have been cleverer but maybe I’m giving the farce genre too much credit. The movie’s pretty bad.

CAROLINE: I’m not surprised. They’re all horrible. I wouldn’t see one of these. It’s like if you’ve seen one, you’ve seen them all and I don’t know why you keep going to see them when they come out.

RYAN: They’re harmless but yeah – they’re rather lame. And this one should have just been a short film.

CAROLINE: Were there any redeeming qualities?

RYAN: There were a couple moments of hilarity. And the casting was brill, I have to say. The lead girl does such a spot-on Kristen Stewart impression – her voice, her walk, the tucking-her-hair-behind-her-ear… she’s fab. And the guy who plays Jacob could give Taylor Lautner a run for his hotness!

CAROLINE: Watch out Tay Tay.

RYAN: It’s just so Twilight and I think you have to really be in the mood for more Twilight, you know? I’d rather have just waited for the next sequel, thank you very much.

CAROLINE: There are plenty of girls out there who will be into this though, I’m sure.

RYAN: I might have been thrilled if it were an all Harry Potter spoof. There is a little Alice in Wonderland moment though. But it’s stupid.

CAROLINE: I’m over it already. Anyone famous in it?

RYAN: The actor who plays Edward is from TV’s 90210. And Dave Foley makes an appearance.

CAROLINE: Okay.

— BOTTOM LINE —

RYAN: This movie’s strictly for the Twihards. Everyone else, avoid it.

— RATING —