THE EXPENDABLES
RYAN: The boy movie to end all boy movies is finally out. And after viewing it I think it would have been more aptly titled Grumpy Old Men 2.
CAROLINE: [laughs’ Is that so?
RYAN: I’m telling you… the scenes between Mickey Rourke and Sly Stallone are a BPS, bad plastic surgery, face-off, pun intended.
CAROLINE: Ew. I don’t even want to imagine.
RYAN: Sylvester directed this movie and only he knows why there are so many close ups of himself and Mickey. They two hardest men to look at and he’s serving it up – close up!
CAROLINE: That’s insane. They do both truly look rough. But I thought this movie looks like it might be fun. I didn’t go to the screening with you ’cause I had tickets to see Rihanna in concert.
RYAN: That’s a fantastic excuse, honey! How was it?
CAROLINE: Fab! But tell me more about The Expendables.
RYAN: It’s just such a cheap cliché of a movie. It’s not original. The story is weak and thin. It’s all just an excuse to string together some very mediocre, totally gory action and fight scenes.
CAROLINE: It was gory?
RYAN: Horribly! Like slicing in half chopping limbs, etc… But I guess that’s all the people want – the fighting scenes. But even movies about fighting, like Rocky, can have a heart.
CAROLINE: Are there no women in this movie?
RYAN: A couple but again used in a completely gratuitous, cheap and or cliché way. I would have liked to have seen Angelina or at least one strong chick among the dudes, right?
CAROLINE: You’re such a feminist and I love it. Are was the rest of the cast though?
RYAN: Bruce Willis was wasted and his dialogue was embarrassing. Eric Roberts is fine. Jason Statham is still hot. Dolph Lundgren is tall. Jet Li is great. And then there’s the famed Arnie Schwarzenegger comeback cameo.
CAROLINE: Dish.
RYAN: He’s fine. He’s in a tiny scene with Sly and Bruce and they make a really great joke in there with him which is the funniest moment in the movie but again, phenomenally gimmicky.
CAROLINE: Wow. You’re shredding this movie!
— BOTTOM LINE —
RYAN: Here’s the thing: It’s not my cup of tea so I’m not gonna say see it. But I’m also not gonna say skip it because there are plenty of meat heads out there who just live for this fluff. And if they are inclined, they should see it on the big screen. Although I didn’t like it, it is exciting and entertaining.
— RATING —
