CHARLIE ST. CLOUD

RYAN: So the trailer for the new Zac Efron vehicle made it look like quite the weeper; a sweeping, sad, coming of age story along the lines of something that should have been written by Nicholas Sparks.

CAROLINE: OMG totally! And I’d have liked to have seen it with you but unfortch, I couldn’t attend the screening. So dish!

RYAN: It’s completely preposterous. And you know I am never remiss to suspend my disbelief.

CAROLINE: You live for it. Why was it such a joke of a movie?

RYAN: It turned such a stupid corner – tries to have a twist and fails miserably, ruining everything. Not that it was even that good to begin with but it managed to get incredibly worse nonetheless.

CAROLINE: That sounds like a travesty. Did the movie even give you shirtless Zefron?

RYAN: Barely. Yes, but hardly. And we can see that in any magazine anyway. But worry not: he and his hair look fine.

CAROLINE: How’s his performance?

RYAN: He’s pretty good and he cries like a soap star. But also in the movie – and completely underused – are Kim Basinger and Ray Liotta.

CAROLINE: Oh dear. How do they look?

RYAN: Kim looks divine and I have to admit, Ray’s new face is settling in decently.

CAROLINE: [laughs’ He did look pretty rough after that round of plastic surgery a couple years back.

RYAN: And the lead girl was kinda wrecked. My pal Margaret and I agreed she was not the right match for Zac.

CAROLINE: Could she act?

RYAN: Not that I noticed and her teeth! It’s like if the Duff sisters had a baby – that was her mouth.

CAROLINE: That’s terrible.

RYAN: But really – the story was just redonk.

— BOTTOM LINE —

RYAN: Zac’s character has a random BFF who has an even more random English accent. He’s a bit cute and funny, but aside from that, oh no. Don’t waste your time with this one. Avoid it – and if you have it on your Netflix queue, delete it. Zac shoulda done Footloose!

— RATING —