AMERICAN DREAMZ

RYAN: Well, that was a lovely movie-going experience with Caroline, sleeping halfway through the movie.

CAROLINE: Hey!! So not true! I slept for a max of five seconds.

RYAN: Regardless, you were sleeping.

CAROLINE: Five seconds!

RYAN: Don’t ever leave me alone in a movie again!

CAROLINE: Meanwhile, we were practically alone in the theater. There were, like, ten people total.

RYAN: Yeah. Shockingly this movie tied for 8th place with only $3.7 million this weekend – the lowly:

CAROLINE: “American Dreamz” with a Z.

RYAN: Lest we forget. You know, I think a more appropriate title may have been “Three Hot Men and a Fugly Guy.”

CAROLINE: (laughs) Wait. Who are the hotties? Dennis Quaid, Hugh Grant.

RYAN: And Chris Klein. All hot. And then Willem Dafoe – I’m sorry, I’ve not said it before now, but he’s got to be the fugliest man in the movies.

CAROLINE: He’s got an interesting look, Willem.

RYAN: He’s awful!

CAROLINE: Well, he was emulating Dick Cheney a little.

RYAN: Right, which never helps anyone. But he’s still of his own accord, not looking so good.

CAROLINE: Yeah, I hear you.

RYAN: What about Mandy Moore?

CAROLINE: She was cute. She looks good, that’s for sure.

RYAN: But she sounded awful.

CAROLINE: I don’t know that she was supposed to be an amazing singer in this though.

RYAN: I think she’s supposed to be a good singer in real life and when she took this role, she’s not going to pretend to be a bad singer.

CAROLINE: Well maybe she wasn’t giving it her total best.

RYAN: I don’t know.

CAROLINE: She was positively dewy and glowing, however.

RYAN: Yes. And chunky.

CAROLINE: A little chunky for her. That means size 6 instead of size 4.

RYAN: Also I was really surprised that they didn’t have the contestants singing real songs. They sang actual show tunes from real musicals, but then when it came to the pop songs, they wrote some really lame ones for this film.

CAROLINE: Yeah, it was cheesy.

RYAN: It was like they spent all their money on casting and couldn’t afford real songs for the contestants to sing.

CAROLINE: There are also four or so different plot lines in this film and it kind of just jumps from each one, not very seamlessly, so you’re like, “Oh, we’re in this one now and I don’t really care.”

RYAN: But Jennifer Coolidge and Marcia Gay Harden were HI-larious.

CAROLINE: Marcia Gay was fine. She didn’t do that much… except have some bad Botox.

RYAN: Exactly. And queen of the cameos?

CAROLINE: Oh yes, Carmen Electra – 2.2 seconds on screen, her usual fare.

RYAN: Final thought?

CAROLINE: It’s pretty weak and you don’t really need to see it.

RYAN: It was like an after-school special.

CAROLINE: I mean, you said it during the movie: it’s timely. It’s funny. It’s relevant.

RYAN: Totally. It’s everything right now with politics and reality TV, specifically American Idol, and the war. It’s a really interesting commentary on that but it doesn’t ever take off. You never become invested. You don’t care about anyone. They’re all loathsome characters.

CAROLINE: Which may be the point. But it started OK. We looked at each other in the first twenty minutes and said, “This isn’t so bad.” The reviewers weren’t too nice to this film but we thought it was OK at first. But then it didn’t go anywhere.

RYAN: Absolutely! It’s not a must-see but if you happen to see it…

CAROLINE: …you can enjoy Hugh Grant.

RYAN: Indeed.