BASIC INSTINCT 2
RYAN: Well, we went to the dark side tonight.
CAROLINE: We took one for the team tonight.
RYAN: Mmm hmm. And we just witnessed what will go down in cinematic history as “Basic Instinct 2.” Basic Tragedy 2.
CAROLINE: (chuckles) Yeah. I’ll say this: Sharon Stone looks good.
RYAN: Really good. But I have to say that I actually enjoyed, like, the first 35 to 40 minutes of the movie. The soundtrack is great. It reminded me of the music in the first film. Sharon totally channeled the character again. And I love the character. But overall, it just turned out to be completely wrong.
CAROLINE: Totally. I agree. I certainly wasn’t thinking, “Wow! This is the best movie I’ve ever seen.” But I was like, ok. She did her usually smirky, seductive, “Sharon Stone Stuff.” I can take it or leave it. Again, she does look good; but, OMG, that last hour…
RYAN: Hour and ten!
CAROLINE: I was like, “I wish somebody would shoot me! Take that ice pick to my heart!” I couldn’t take it anymore.
RYAN: Here’s the thing: It’s not as bad as all the critics are saying. It’s not “Catwoman” bad. It’s just too lengthy and totally dull.
CAROLINE: I didn’t give a crat’s ass about any of the stuff that went down. And every time there was supposed to be a big, suspenseful reveal coming, you could tell cos the music swelled, I was like, “Oh I’m supposed to care. Hang on. Oh, wait. I don’t care.”
RYAN: That’s exactly it. I will say, however, it was great to see Professor Lupin from “Harry Potter 3” in this. Actor David Thewlis had a nice, sizeable role. But still…
CAROLINE: Oh, btw, the lead guy in the movie… was that the best they could do? He was so pasty.
RYAN: Grodie.
CAROLINE: Not in the least bit attractive. I was like, “Am I supposed to get jazzed that Sharon’s boffing this guy?” Cos he’s not hot.
RYAN: I don’t understand why they cast him. And I read that she had casting approval for the male lead. So apparently we can deduce from this film that Sharon Stone has no taste in men.
CAROLINE: Precisely. Not that any great, British, leading actor would have taken the role, but my goodness… they could have at least found someone sexy.
RYAN: Totally. I think the sexiest thing in the movie was Sharon’s apartment.
C: OMG her apartment was rockin! I would live there in a heartbeat.
RYAN: In half a heartbeat. It was incredible. But honestly, I’m even bored talking about this.
CAROLINE: I know. Final thought?
RYAN: She had terrible hair. And the movie was well acted, well shot, but…
CAROLINE: Pointless.
RYAN: Just a waste of time.
CAROLINE: It was just a total vanity project for Sharon, let’s be honest.
RYAN: Whatever Sharon Stone!
CAROLINE: Talk to the hand, Sharon.
RYAN: Tell it to the judge, Sharon Stone.
CAROLINE: Yeah, Sharon. Take it to the bridge.
RYAN: Raise the roof, Sharon Stone.
CAROLINE: Pucker up, buttercup.
RYAN: Bend over, Sharon.
CAROLINE: (laughs) That’s not right. Hey, I’ll give it this much: It was better than “Date Movie.”
RYAN: And it was better than “Catwoman.” Ok. Sayonara.