INSIDE MAN
CAROLINE: Hello there.
RYAN: Howdy doodle.
CAROLINE: We’re at the 42nd Street AMC/Loews theater in New York’s Manhattan.
RYAN: And given that this evening’s film opened #1 at the box office with $29 million…
CAROLINE: And given that I’ve personally been waiting to see this for how long now, I ask you?
RYAN: And given that we came to attend the 8pm showing which was sold out and we had to leave and come back for the 9pm and line up in a Star Wars-proportioned line…
CAROLINE: Which we did willingly because we were just that excited to see this.
RYAN: Mmm hmm, exactly. And finally we get in to what is apparently the year’s most anticipated film, thus far, to find out that it is –
CAROLINE: Painfully mediocre.
RYAN: And painfully long!
CAROLINE: And for the first hour you keep waiting for something big to happen. I had no idea what was going on or why it was happening.
RYAN: Yeah, I’m totally unsatisfied by this film.
CAROLINE: As anyone who has read a couple of our previous posts knows, I was going to see this movie regardless cuz Clive Owen’s in it.
RYAN: Right.
CAROLINE: Having said that – I mean, he was good, everyone was good, I just – I have now sat through this movie, all 2 hours and 8 minutes of it and I still do not know the point of this film.
RYAN: I’ll agree with you, your boyfriend Clive Owen is totally hot. He eats the camera. Whether his face is covered or not, he’s a gorgeous famous person. We love him. I am also in love with Jodie Foster.
CAROLINE: She looks phenomenal in this film. Her colorist needs to win an Oscar for “Best Hair Color in a Motion Picture.”
RYAN: Yeah, she looks outstanding. Killer legs!
CAROLINE: Fabulous legs!
RYAN: For a boy, she walks great in heels.
CAROLINE: She has fabulous stilettos in this film.
RYAN: Yeah, and it was a great, complicated character for her.
CAROLINE: Albeit not a huge part.
RYAN: That’s the thing, I’ll see anything she does, except for “A Very Long Engagement;” sorry Cosmo.
CAROLINE: (laughs)
RYAN: But I don’t think I want to see her in supporting roles anymore. I mean, yeah, I’ll see her in a supporting role where it’s Clive Owen in it too, fine; but, you know, she’s just totally being wasted and I was just not emotionally invested in this. They throw out all the themes that should get you excited but I didn’t even care.
CAROLINE: I feel so weird because on the one hand, I can’t say this was a bad movie – it has a great cast, it’s very well-shot…
RYAN: Very well-shot.
CAROLINE: Denzel’s great, he looks great. Ladies, enjoy! There’s just something about his voice that’s so commanding. But I spent the first hour thinking to myself, and even verbalizing to you, “When is something going to happen?”
RYAN: Yes.
CAROLINE: I was told “heist.” I was told “action,” great movie, no one can wait, three stars in all the papers…
RYAN: Right.
CAROLINE: And like I said, quality filmmaking and acting, but no story!
RYAN: I agree. My adrenaline wasn’t pumping. I didn’t get excited, nor nervous or that edge-of-your-seat feeling during this. It never took off.
CAROLINE: Never.
RYAN: Overall, Spike Lee is a great director and he did a great job here with the Joint. But I’d rather have smoked this than viewed it.
CAROLINE: And you don’t even smoke pot.
RYAN: Exactly.
CAROLINE: Final thought?
RYAN: My final thought is that it is overall lame. You know me, I like to just give you the entertainment factor. And while I was entertained somewhat, I just can’t say that this is a “movie you’ve gotta see.”
CAROLINE: No, and it’s such a bummer because I’ve been waiting weeks to see this. You hear about the cast, the director and then it just doesn’t deliver in any way, shape or form. I’m still honestly baffled by it. I feel like I must have missed something.
RYAN: The ending was terrible.
CAROLINE: Nothing happened in this movie! Nothing is gratifying. I guess the bottom line is I do not understand the point of this film.
RYAN: Right, and it’s too long.
CAROLINE: What are they trying to say? Do you know? Please tell me. What is the point of this film and what was the message?
RYAN: I have no idea.
CAROLINE: None. There is no message.
RYAN: And we’re not dumb.
CAROLINE: I’m smart, quite frankly.
RYAN: Me too.
CAROLINE: I feel like I have to apologize though, cuz I’m annoyed. I feel like I missed something major.
RYAN: No – we need to be apologized to. We’ll see, if some of our friends see it, or anyone who’s reading this thinks that they know what this film was about, feel free to leave a comment and explain it to us.
CAROLINE: Yeah, we clearly missed the point.
RYAN: What happened at the end, was there a switcheroo? Yada yada blue.
CAROLINE: Ultimately – unsatisfying.