BANGKOK DANGEROUS

CAROLINE: The first? Are you kidding me?

RYAN: Yes.

CAROLINE: Good, because there have been at least ten. This movie was even worse than I anticipated. There were some cool parts in the trailer, so I thought I might be able to temporarily put aside my dislike for Nicolas Cage and enjoy this film. However, I was unable to do so.

RYAN: It wasn’t nearly as bad as “The Wicker Man,” but there were no redeeming qualities in this film. I didn’t like anything about it. It’s the first time that I’ll agree with you and say Nicolas Cage looked terrible. I usually like him, so I’m disappointed. The editing, the script and the style was just lame and poorly crafted.

CAROLINE: It’s a remake of a Thai-language movie from the Pang brothers, who also made the original version of “The Eye,” which became the Jessica Alba movie in America. It’s got a very Asian feel and a lot of the shlocky violence that sometimes comes with that. It’s almost like a bad Quentin Tarantino wannabe movie. Gratuitous violence, blood everywhere, gunplay, limbs flying, etc.

CAROLINE: Yeah, there’s a silly love story that makes no sense. He falls for a deaf-mute chick with whom he can’t even have a conversation. Nicolas Cage looked and acted even worse than I ever thought possible. I don’t know if it’s a wig or extensions or terrible hair plugs, but his hair is truly appalling. It looks like he took a piece of steel wool, dyed it black and put it on his head.

RYAN: The coloring of the movie was very dark, which I’m sure was the look they were going for, but I found it off-putting.

CAROLINE: And we were both able to correctly predict what would happen in the end. Bottom line?

RYAN: It’s boring. I tried to sleep during it but I couldn’t even successfully do that. I don’t recommend it. I can’t believe movies like these even come out on DVD – who buys them?

CAROLINE: I have no idea. Run, don’t walk, away from the theater. Or you can use this as your final weekend to catch up on all the good summer movies you still haven’t seen, because a whole new crop of good ones is going to come out next week.