RUMOR HAS IT…

RYAN: Well, I purposely arrived late to the theater…

CAROLINE: So you wouldn’t have to see the Sierra Mist commercial.

RYAN: Exactly. I was alone, so I didn’t care where I’d sit, so I entered just as the previews began.

CAROLINE: Perfect timing.

RYAN: Thank you. And it started with that preview for ‘The Break Up.” The next, new Jennifer Aniston mew-vie which features the now-grown, child star from the Xmas movie “A Christmas Story.” The dude who played lil Ralphie is apparently an adult-close-friend of Vince Vaughn.

CAROLINE: He’s an adult film star now?

RYAN: (laughs) No! He’s a buddy of Vincey. And he has a bit part in “The Break Up.” And that’s, of course, the movie where Jeni Ani and Vince Vaughn…

CAROLINE: Allegedly started dating.

RYAN: Mmm Hmm.

CAROLINE: Wait. And I saw a new Jenny Garner trailer!

RYAN: Ooooh! Me too! “Catch and Release!” So essssited about it!

CAROLINE: Wooooo!

RYAN: Looks amazing!

CAROLINE: Freaking out! I didn’t even know Jenny Garner had a movie coming out.

RYAN: It, clearly, was shot before she got pregnant.

CAROLINE: Clearly. And it’s probably terrible but I don’t give a sh–.

RYAN: It looks sooo yummy.

CAROLINE: Yeah. I’m in.

RYAN: I’m in. Full stop.

CAROLINE: (laughs)

RYAN: Ok. “Rumor Zazzit.”

CAROLINE: Ok. I’d like to start by saying… the movie is not as bad as the critics are saying.

RYAN: No!

CAROLINE: And I quite liked it.

RYAN: I lovvved it!

CAROLINE: My biggest complaint would be Jennifer Aniston’s opening and closing voice over… which sounded like she’d been given a steady dose of morphine.

RYAN: (laughs) Yeah. Dunno why she was so monotonous.

CAROLINE: Uh! I was, like, “Honey! Liven it up! This is not a book on tape!”

RYAN: Seriously. That was rizz-andom. But I did love the relationship stories throughout. Loved the subplot with Mena Suvari’s character. Loved the generations of women. I really identified with this film; you know, cuz I’ve also slept with every man my mother and grandmother have slept with.

CAROLINE: (machine gun laughter) I will say, although I thought the acting was good for the most part, Mena Suvari is emancipated and by emancipated, I mean emaciated.

RYAN: Totally.

CAROLINE: And her eyebrows were way too thin.

RYAN: Drag queen thin.

CAROLINE: Weird.

RYAN: And you could see every nip/tuck Shirley MacLaine…

CAROLINE: I think she looks good, though! It’s decent work, compared to, like, Meg Ryan.

RYAN: Oh, yeah.

CAROLINE: And I have to say, I found the beginning a bit dull. And the minute Kevin Costner arrived, it like, injected a whole new life.

RYAN: It’s true. It’s true. It’s true. He was the glue in this film.

CAROLINE: Yes. And such a pleasure to see him not doing one of his vanity projects like “The Postman” or “Waterworld.”

RYAN: I have to warn you though, Yakel, if ever you find yourself alone in a bar and Kevin Costner asks you to dance with him… you’ll fall in love.

CAROLINE: (laughs)

RYAN: I remember the same scene with him in “The Bodyguard” with “Whittley” Houston.

CAROLINE: Oh, yes. He’s got that “sump’n sump’n.”

RYAN: He does; however, it’s like, he’s a second away from being the oldest man in Hollywood.

CAROLINE: (laughs)

RYAN: Because this one shot, I was groovin’ in the film with Kevin Costner and then suddenly, there’s this shot of him in glorious Wine Country; he’s dressed casual-sexy and then AARGH! Jeans rolled up, black shoes, white socks!!!!

CAROLINE: Yes!! Michael Jackson!! Horrible!!

RYAN: YES! Wow! He’s aging himself here.

CAROLINE: (laughs)

RYAN: He looked hot, but his wardrobe did not.

CAROLINE: I blame the costume designer.

RYAN: Fully. What about Mark Ruffalo?

CAROLINE: Love him, but not the best thing he’s ever done. He’s adorable, even though he’s short.

RYAN: (laughs) Yeah. And I love Jeni Ani, but I dunno.

CAROLINE: I could have seen Rachel McAdams.

RYAN: Totally!

CAROLINE: She was just so mopey. I’ve liked her a lot more in other things.

RYAN: Ok. Final thoughts.

CAROLINE: I enjoyed it. It is not the best romantic comedy I’ve ever seen, but from what I understand, it was riddled with problems… the director changed in the beginning. And I think they made the best of it that they could. And I dug it. Cute.

RYAN: I think, great performances from Shirley and Kevin. And Jennifer Aniston is just so easy to look at for me, I could watch her do anything, I think. I liked the story. It moved. The first movie in months, I walked out thinking, “It was not too long.”

CAROLINE: Oh! Ab-so-lute-ly!

RYAN: Pacing, just right. Overall, fun movie. If you want fun, this is it.