THE HAPPENING
RYAN: There’s not a whole lot happening in “The Happening.”
CAROLINE: I think you summed it up when you turned to me at the end of the movie and said, “M. Night Shyamalan’s career is over.” I don’t know what he was thinking with this movie, but it’s preposterous.
RYAN: First of all, don’t sit and wait for a twist because there isn’t one. The trailer is frightening, but the movie’s not scary at all; just a little startling.
CAROLINE: It made me jump once or twice, but I was prepared for a full-on thriller and what I got was a movie that made me think, “I know this is supposed to be scary, but I’m not scared even a little.”
RYAN: I don’t want to give away the premise away –
CAROLINE: I do! That way people won’t have to shell out their hard-earned dough to see this piece of crap.
RYAN: [laughs’ Basically, this movie should be terrifying, but it never completely takes off.
CAROLINE: I’d go so far as to say that nothing happens in this movie. If you’ve seen the trailer, you’ve seen the movie. Every question is unanswered. The only thing I can come up with is that this is M. Night Shyamalan’s attempt at warning people that we shouldn’t mistreat the environment.
RYAN: Maybe it’s his love letter to Al Gore and a warning of global warming.
CAROLINE: Well, he’s going to need to get a lot more specific and start making sense ASAP.
RYAN: It’s really strange. I almost felt like I must be missing something, that there was something deeper going on; but then you realize, “Oh, that’s all there is.” The movie doesn’t really mean anything.
CAROLINE: If we told you the end, we wouldn’t even be ruining anything. We’d just be saving you 11 bucks.
RYAN: It’s well made and is shot beautifully, but it’s definitely not something you have to see on the big screen. You’d get the same impact watching it on TV. And it’s not helped at all by the fact that Zooey Deschanel can’t act. It pains me to say it, but it’s true.
CAROLINE: Her eyes are huge and amazing, but that’s all I can say that’s positive. But LBH, even the good actors in this movie, like Mark Wahlberg, were stiff and unnatural. The first few scenes were so awkward, and I couldn’t tell if it was bad acting, bad directing or bad dialogue. Maybe a combo of all three?
RYAN: The script was really weak. In one scene, they walk into a big, beautiful mansion and Zooey says, “They must have a bathroom in this place.” Seriously? Like, what house doesn’t have a bathroom?
CAROLINE: John Leguizamo’s in it too, but only briefly. Knowing what we know about M. Night’s previous movies, we were so ready for a twist or at least an explanation after ninety minutes of the movie, but we never got it. I was hoping for a big reveal to make it all worthwhile… but I got nada.
RYAN: It desperately needed a turn or a twist that would make it all worth the slow burn, and let us know why “The Happening” happened. I guess the fact that it didn’t have that is good in some ways… I’m happy that M. Night doesn’t always have to rely on that formula. But after “Lady in the Water,” and then this, it might be time for M. Night to retire.
CAROLINE: Something ain’t right with his vision anymore.
RYAN: I’m really disappointed because I wanted it to be as good as his “Signs” or “Sixth Sense.” Bottom line?
CAROLINE: If anyone asks me about this movie, I will tell them the entire plot in 30 seconds and tell them to skip the movie. Good actors like Marky Mark are wasted in this film. It was a joke.
RYAN: It wasn’t a complete waste of time. The opening credits were really cool, and the score is gorgeous. The music is always good in his films. But overall, it’s just foolish. The first few minutes were kind of creepy because you’re wondering what’s going on, but then it goes downhill fast. If you’re an M. Night loyalist like I have been, you still don’t have to see this on the big screen. Just wait till it’s on TV.