CHARLOTTE’S WEB

CAROLINE: Once again, you’ve done me the great honor of seeing a movie I could give a rat’s ass about… without me.

RYAN: Caroline, you’re too kind.

CAROLINE: I’m very grateful. How was “Charlotte’s Web?”

RYAN: LBH here, Let’s Be Honest. It’s profound that I’m doing you the favor, because I think you’d rather have a pap smear than see a children’s film. Am I wrong?

CAROLINE: Wow. I have no interest in seeing a budding, pubescent Dakota Fanning talk to pigs.

RYAN: That being said, I affectionately remember the original animated version and I wanted to check out the live action adaptation of this classic story. It was good. I loved Oprah as the goose and Julia Roberts is terrific as the spider.

CAROLINE: I saw one clip of it on TV and it sounded like Julia Roberts was really bland.

RYAN: She is, but the character Charlotte, the spider, is a very articulate spider and I thought she was appropriate. How expressive can a spider be?

CAROLINE: I dunno, Ry. I’m amazed you made it through this one. I hope it was short. How was Dakota?

RYAN: She was fine. The role’s not that large. But at times it was hard to look at her pre-brace-faced as she was whilst filming. She annoys me to begin with. But to see the reason why she needs the braces, namely an uber-sized snaggletooth, is enough to scare away the kids.

CAROLINE: At least she’s remedying the problem before becoming a heinous teen.

RYAN: ‘Tis true.

CAROLINE: Bottom line?

RYAN: This film packs an equal emotional punch at the story’s climax. If you warmly remember the original, you’ll enjoy this one too. And it’s super short, which helps.