THE WICKER MAN
RYAN: Well, after much time…
CAROLINE: And fanfare…
RYAN: We finally got around to seeing “The Wicker Man.” Dun Dun Doooooon!
CAROLINE: And yeah. Not so good.
RYAN: In a nutshell. To begin with, there is no wicker man!
CAROLINE: Well in the end there is. Shhh! I ruined it.
RYAN: Please. Who cares. It’s not like the bogeyman. The wicker man can’t haunt you… which is what I both wanted and expected.
CAROLINE: The Wicker Man turns out to be a thing that happens at the end – and it’s so not scary that it’s almost laughable.
RYAN: This is a very slow moving movie. I remember saying to you, beforehand, “Don’t fall asleep.”
CAROLINE: And I had moments where I actually did come very close to dozing and I kept pinching myself to stay awake cos the female lead, Kate Beahan, was bo-ring!
RYAN: She had a total lack of charisma and screen presence.
CAROLINE: I don’t even think Nicolas Cage was that well cast. I kept thinking, “Oh. I’m watching Nic Cage trying to be a detective.”
RYAN: He was fine. He was neither here nor there.
CAROLINE: He didn’t look so hot to me.
RYAN: No one is hot in this movie…. Including Leelee Sobieski who just freaks me out anytime we see her.
CAROLINE: Yeah.
RYAN: This film is so strange that I felt like we were being exposed to a cult-recruiting film.
CAROLINE: Totally. It had its moments of intrigue and mystery; we agreed we liked that part. But overall, this is a remake of what was evidently a scary film… but this version did not hold up at all. It wasn’t scary. And I usually get scared easily.
RYAN: Not only was it un-frightening, it was actually preposterous. The best part of the film, for me, was when we were talking together and making fun of it.
CAROLINE: Yeah, those were good times and I’m sure the people sitting around us enjoyed it too.
RYAN: Bottom line?
CAROLINE: This is a big waste of time and you don’t need to see it. I’ve read that the original from the 70s is better. So watch that if you’re in the mood to be scared.
RYAN: Though Ellen Burstyn was freaky and there were moments that were gory and creepy, I agree. It’s a waste of time and money. A bad movie.